Luddite or leave it

Let’s all give a warm welcome to IMA’s newest blogger, a fabulous horticulturalist, Irvin Etienne!

It is certainly a bit hard to believe I am writing for the IMA Blog. My more technology savvy friends are slightly shocked. I read Meg’s entry about email. Junior high? Lord have mercy. When I was in junior high I don’t think our school owned a computer. So let’s just say I am not up on cutting edge technology. And that’s okay. My purpose is to bring you info on the horticulture side of the IMA, the truly green side, the natural world. I hope to keep you updated on happenings in our own backyard, occasionally the world’s backyard, and once in awhile my backyard. So here we go, one giant blog leap for horticulturekind.

Spring is such a fickle wench. On a Sunday she’s all pouty lips and swaying hips with warm moist breezes blowing sweet promises of swelling buds and rising sap. By Tuesday she’s throwing ice water on my horticultural genitals. Such is our relationship. I’ve been disappointed before. I’ve been hurt much more before - sometimes instead of ice water you get an army boot. Lucky me. Last year we had 80 degree days followed by a week in the 20’s. Didn’t the plants just love that? All those tender soft green tree leaves turned to brown crispy dust like you find in the bottom of the toaster. Perennials, awake early from the long Indiana winter, were all turgid from the heat-accelerated lusty growth. Then they were a flaccid brown heap on the ground in a chlorophyll cesspool. Such is the life of a Horticulturist or gardener. You better learn to roll with the punches. Fortunately there are many plants that tolerate Spring’s erratic weather swings and provide some much needed bloom in late winter and early spring. I am amazed some times how coming across some little bloom at this time of year thrills me so. All these years and the multiple times the same plant has flowered and still it gets me. I want to mention just a few of the ones you are likely to come across. And fair warning, I use scientific names.

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The witchhazels (Hamamelis sp.) start in February, sometimes January. Their spidery yellow, orange, and red flowers are often fragrant as well. They do a bit of performance art based on the weather. On cold cloudy days the petals remain curled tightly. On a sunny or warm day they unfurl like miniature strips of crepe paper. It’s a delight to find them on a cold sunny winter day when walking through the gardens.

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Strolling through Oldfields will allow one to chance upon the Snowdrops (Galanthus nivalis).

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I remember one February afternoon lying on the dried gray and tan leaves studying the small emerald tipped petals when much to my surprise a bee come to visit it as well. It was one of those “Where the hell did that come from?” moments. The hellebores likewise bloom this time of year. Helleborus x hybridus blooms white and multiple shades of pink most of the time.

However, reds, yellows, apricots and even blacks are available. Helleborus foetidus (stinking or bear’s foot hellebore) has stalks of chartreuse blooms a foot high and more.

Striking foliage makes it a great year round plant but I love the way some blooms wear a touch of red lipstick.

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All of these are easy to grow in our little corner of mid-America.

As I finish this posting the trees and shrubs are encased in a truly beautiful coating of ice. They are not hurt. Fortunately we didn’t get too much here. It won’t be long before they start pushing new growth. I hope Mother Nature doesn’t bitch-slap them back to January.

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14 Responses to “Luddite or leave it”

  1. Meg Says:

    Brilliant! I laughed so hard I cried.

  2. Paul Says:

    Hee hee hee!

    I think they’ll keep ya.

    “Helebore”?? Tell me that wasn’t you.

  3. Sarah Says:

    wenches, pouty lips and horticultural genitals…spring never sounded so sexy. irvin you’re a naughty little horticulturist, yes you are!

  4. Robin Says:

    You have been my hero in the gardens and now in print! I can’t wait for your next…

  5. Irvin Says:

    Paul, it was my me. I always get confused on Hellebore. Your protoge Jim called me out first.

  6. Irvin Says:

    Whoops, I’m so dippy with this blog thing. Should of covered all of you all at once. Meg, thank you so kindly. Sarah, wait for my eXpose on plants in bondage. Your reply makes me so happy. Robin, thanks for staying on the trip with me for so long. Rememer when it was Giggle Box, Tenderloin, and Tyrone taking on the Horticultural world? Shhh, maybe we should keep that as our little secret.

  7. sundeep Says:

    Irvin-

    Great article. Makes me want to go out and plant something with a nice sounding name… something like Digitaria sanguinalis- that sounds great!

    Aren’t the intarwebs great? Pictures, too!!

    -s

  8. Mary Says:

    Are you sure you want to spend time on this blog…I think you should write a book! Thank you for brightening the day. I was moved to print this entry and paste it into my garden notebook - a true honor.

  9. irvin Says:

    Sundeep,your comment on plant names reminded me of a garden design I’ve had in my head for quite some time. A fabulously large bed of Clitoria ternatea twining through Rubus cockburnianus ‘Aurea’. The incredible blue flowers of the butterfly pea shown off perfectly by the golden yellow foliage of the raspberry. Between clumps of these two I would add groupings of Amorphophallus rivieri ‘Konjac’ with it’s palm-like leaves and beautifully variegated stem. Nature in all its glory!

    Mary - I’m waiting for a couple more people to die before writing the book. You understand I’m sure.

  10. Lainie Veenstra Says:

    Hi Irvin!!! Happy Spring!!!

    Hilary suggested I write to you here. By the way, you are PERFECT for this blog!!! We love your wealth of information and your humor is unstoppable!! You should write books!!!

    My questions…

    Where can I find great tropicals?? Giant, 6 to 8 ft. cannas with beautiful color?? Also, gorgeous dalias?? And, is it too early to plant my elephant ears bulbs and calla lilies tubers??
    Would love to help you this summer..what time do you start picking flowers?? any other jobs? Pls. give me the day and times. I’m very busy with my flute this summer and traveling but my heart is at the IMA if I have any time at all.

    Take care!
    Lainie

  11. irvin Says:

    Hi Lainie, happy spring to you as well. Thanks for the lovely words. I will call you very soon about possible volunteer opportunities (if your schedule allows, I know).

  12. Pattie Quackenbush Says:

    Oh Irvin, you make me smile!!! I just have to remember to not laugh out loud when I read stuff like this in class.

  13. irvin Says:

    Pattie. Pattie, Pattie, Pattie. You know I raised you better than that.

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