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Plant Shopping 101

It’s coming! You better be ready. Are you practicing balancing 5 plants in your hands at once? Are you ready to fight for the plant you want? Here’s a good way to get in condition. Go to the grocery store when you know the produce section will be extra busy. This is an excellent place to practice elbowing people out of the way. When Misty Mae tries to grab your bunch of asparagus find that tender spot in the rib cage with your elbow and show her how the pros shop. She won’t mess with you at the table of sale strawberries either. And she won’t get the last Baptisia ‘Screamin’ Yellow’ as you reach for it. Shopping for new plants should be fun but sometimes it’s a battle. Are you ready to battle, people?

Next weekend will be Perennial Premiere again. Seems only a moment has occurred since last year’s plant extravaganza but soon April 21 and 22, 2012 will be here. My good friends at Pink Glitter Farms agreed to demonstrate three important shopping strategies.

Drop it, B

Somebody just picked up the plant you wanted. That’s unacceptable. Here Barbie grabs some crazy B’s free hand and bends her fingers back until the pain causes the hand holding HER plant to lose its grip.

Voila! The plant is Barbie’s. No question about it.

I warned you twice, B

Now, say somebody keeps grabbing your plants just as you reach for them. Even after you warned them and gave them the earlier mentioned finger treatment. You may need to demonstrate how serious you are. If other shoppers see some heifer can easily take plants you want from you, well, who knows where it will end? You could end up with a wagon-load of gold daylilies and green hostas. Don’t be afraid to go all Crazy-Bitch on ‘em and make ‘em eat some gravel.

Nobody messes with Barbie’s plants.

I’ll stop this s***, B

Some hussy keeps taking plants from your pile. Finally you have simply had enough. You hide and watch to catch the B. Turns out it’s your very own shopping partner!

There’s a pretty simple solution for this.

Ooooo, somebody’s gonna get a spankin’ when they get home. Wait. Why doesn’t GI Joe have his shirt on anymore?

Please study these strategies carefully before arriving next week. They will make your shopping experience so much more enjoyable. As will the presence of the entire Horticulture and Greenhouse staff. Our goal is to help you make wise choices so you have great success while experimenting with some new plants in your garden every year.

See you real soon!

Filed under: Current Events, Horticulture, Local

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