I get to the point that I’m either begging for frost to come and take out the garden or begging for one more day above freezing so there won’t be any damage. Gardening schizophrenia. It doesn’t happen so much with things here at the IMA, but at home ….. well, that’s another story.
As if the gardening I normally do at my quaint little domicile isn’t sufficient to fill many of my waking hours, this year I decided to plant the entire backyard. Down went cardboard, paperboard, and paper feed bags followed by my special rabbit and chicken manure mulch.

Poof! The grass was gone. Unfortunately the dandelions, violets, and bind weed were not as cooperative and they accounted for at least half of my “turf”. But really the only serious weeding I had to do in these new areas was the bindweed. Next year there will be plenty of glyphosate sprayed on the beast. Because I’m going to have so much more free time? Who the hell am I kidding? Whatever. Hopefully I will manage to get a good spray program going because pulling the damn things does not work.
Perhaps the truly scary part of all this is the fact I was able to fill nearly all that space.

It’s hard to believe I once thought it was too much area. Not true. Not true at all. By the end of August, I was searching for more open ground. By early September I finally kind of gave up, though I am sure I will put a few more things in the ground about ten minutes before frost hits. I really am crazy! Why didn’t you people tell me?

Overall, I have been pretty-well pleased with the results. My new dahlias grew and bloomed beautifully.

My tomatoes went in late, but got huge.

My favorite is the variegated one that Gwyn gave me. That’s a feral petunia with it. They just show up every so often.

Even the fruit is variegated.

The Colocasia ‘Thai Giant Strain’ got fairly gigantic, almost six feet tall, but I know I can get it bigger.

And it has a lovely bloom.

I didn’t feel there was quite enough color, so I enhanced some Paulownia stems with paint (Mango Madness).

Then to give everything a little sparkle, a scattering of wine bottles, blue mostly.

Anyway, soon I will be having to answer the question that we all must face this time of year when the all-knowing weather forecasters say temperatures are dropping near freezing – Do I cover everything with sheets?
“The forecast says 34.”
“That’s not actually freezing.”
“But it’s only 2 degrees off.”
“Is it cloudy?”
“Any wind? Wind helps.”
“Unless it blows the sheets off and it drops to 31!”
“Aw crap! Because you know, you just know. After this one frost it’s going to be 70 for the next three weeks. “
“But I just want to get it over with. Let it die.”
“But if I cover it this one night I might have dahlias til Thanksgiving.”
If you haven’t lived it, well then, you just can’t understand it.
And if all that isn’t enough, when one finally decides it is time to give the garden over to Jack Frost and his evil sister Wanda Winter, one then must decide whom to save whom to leave to die. Gardening is not for the weak or the meek. But bi-polars do very well.

Barbie and I go way back. We’re practically the same age. I can still remember looking at the Sears and Roebuck Christmas catalog (when it was still Sears and Roebuck) and two things always caught my eye: Barbie and GI Joe. I wanted them both desperately but Santa was always short on the come-through. Once past the Santa stage I still wanted them both, I admit.  With Barbie it frequently was those glorious evening dresses. Tons of silk and satin and fur. What boy wouldn’t have been mesmerized?

But what is the secret to that never aging body, everything firm and still in place? Believe it or not it’s gardening. Yes folks, gardening. Sure she’s all glamor and pearls but she’s also all mulching and pruning.

On a recent spring day Barbie invited me to her posh estate, Pink Glitter Farms, for a look at her incredible gardens.  Now I can’t say where Pink Glitter Farms is located but let’s just say this, very exclusive. Far more exclusive than the location of the life-sized Jonathon Adler decorated Malibu Dream House Mattel has commissioned. Pink Glitter Farms offers an escape for the Queen of Fashiondom at a time when she is busier than ever what with the opening of her first flagship store in China. When I arrived Barbie and her friends were already hard at work doing spring chores. This day was dedicated to cutting back woody plants.

I found Barbie working on Hydrangea paniculata ‘Pink Diamond’ (For this crowd it seems the first sunny warm weekend of spring means beach attire. But it’s Barbie so it must be right.)

She’s well aware all Hydrangea paniculata cultivars bloom on new wood so they can be cut back every year and you still get flowers. Plants will put on one to three feet of new growth in a single season. Here’s before and after shots of her work.

By cutting back to a framework of only the largest stems she gets fewer blooms but they are much larger. You will see evidence of this on the ‘Limelight’ plants at the IMA’s  40th Street entrance. These shrubs can also be trained into small trees, or standards, like the ‘Kyushu’ along the main drive as you approach the museum.

Sometimes a plant simply takes up too much space or gets too tall as was the case for Barbie’s Corylus maxima ‘Purpurea or purple giant filbert. She likes the size but within limits as there is only so much room in the gardens. This purple-leaved monster needs some control. Here Christie (with Barbie cheering her on!) is helping out by removing some of the large older stems.

These tended to lean outward so were not only tall but taking up space on the perimeter as well. This type of rejuvenation is common for shrubs with colored twigs like dogwoods and willows as the younger growth has the best color.  Two fine examples are Cornus sanguinea ‘Midwinter Fire’ and Salix alba ‘Britzensis’. Generally a third or more of the shrub is removed annually.

The large Cotinus coggygria ‘Royal Velvet’ (smokebush) at Pink Glitter Farms gets cut back to the trunk every year. Barbie doesn’t care if she gets many flowers on this large shrub or small tree. She’s growing it for the incredible purple leaves it has all summer. The cultivar ‘Velvet Cloak ‘ is very similar. She also has the equally beautiful chartreuse Cotinus ‘Golden Spirit’. Barbie’s friend Rainbow Prince Ken just loves working on the woodies. Notice Rainbow Prince Ken uses pruners to remove the small growth while GI Joe uses a saw to remove larger stems.

Barbie knows that if a stem needs loppers for removal you probably should use a saw. It does less damage to the surrounding tissues. The picture on the left is the plant before pruning, the one on the right after.

You don’t have to let smokebush develop this large a trunk before starting the annual cutting back. The fellas give each other a big hug for a job well done.

With all the hard work going on, I wondered if Barbie and the gang ever had fun? So I asked her what they do after the gardening chores are finished. Without missing a beat she said, “Flamingo races!” And before I could ask for an explanation they were off!

Who won? Barbie of course!

Barbie always wins. Just ask Midge.

Now folks, enjoy two very different interpretations of the perfect 11½ inch doll.